about a dream

purple blue eye
overexposure
and pain.

i had a crazy dream last night, i must have tried to wake up from it 5 times only to "wake up" into another dream, feeling paralised.

you were there, but i dont remember the context. I asked for help to control the dream since i knew i was dreaming, but then i forgot i was dreaming...falling between being aware that it was a dream and forgetting.

I was sleeping on my mothers couch (in the dream and in reality) and i saw a kid, female about 8-10 years old walk towards me, from the front door, and since i thought i was awake i got scared, but then i noticed it was a dream when the scene repeated a little later.

I was trying to wake my mother in the other room so she could come and wake me up from the dream, but naturally my body did not react i could not yell or bang the wall. I have tonight notice something about dreams, there is no gravity in dreams, you don't feel the weight of gravity in the dream world...This is what usually alerts me to the fact that i am dreaming, this is the wierd feeling that is in dreams.

Anyway, the next time the kid appeared i desided to meet her with a big loving hug, instead of being affraid of her. She was wearing a little girls dress, and nice shoes. Her hair was done nicely as if she was going to visit someone, and she wanted to look nice. She looked healthy, and "normal". We hugged, and she was absorbed into me. Then came another kid, younger , a sibling but i can not remember the gender, i think it was a boy 4-6 years old healthy boy. I kneeled down and we hugged and he was also absorbed into me. Then a baby boy apeared. He had just learned how to walk, eventhough he was a little to young to be walking. He also looked healthy and was dressed in a babyblue outfit. I picked him up, help him up a little over my head, kissed him and brought him close to me, holding him, and hugging him, and he too disappeared into me. I had a strong feeling of love for the three kids, as if they were my own children. I was glad that i had disided to meet them instead of running away or trying to make them disapear as i did first time i saw the older girl.

Before this scene i remember that i was thinking about the way i cry when stories of people dying are shown to me or i read them in a book. Like the way i cryied at bikenau, sort of loving pain. and it struck me (as if someone told me) that the reason i cry, like this is because i "feel/see/realise" my own death, and cry for myself, for my own death...i cry because i realise i have to leave this place sometime...

At a point i thought i had succesfully woken up and i had gone into my mothers room and i asked her if i could sleep in her bed because of this wierd and mostly inpleasant dream, she was acting funny, and then we went to the bathroom where i brushed my teeth while talking to her about the dream and i realised that the toothpaste i was using was different so i said " i know i was brushing my teeth earlier today, and this toothpaste was not here before so this must be a dream" i told my mother.

Then i felt i was lying on the sofa again and i asked myself what i had to do to wake up, and i answered myself "open your eyes"

and i woke up.

then i thought of you in order to calm myself down a bit after this complicated, unpleasant dream.

and it worked princess

you work

:*